Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of PilgrimageBook - 2014
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People do change. And no matter how close we once were, and how much we opened up to each other, maybe neither of us knew anything substantial about the other.
As we go through life we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves.
Still, being able to feel pain was good, he thought. It's when you can't even feel anymore pain that you're in real trouble.
And naturally Tsukuru was happy, and proud, to be included as one indispensable side of the pentagon. He loved his four friends, loved the sense of belonging he felt when he was with them. Like a young tree absorbing nutrition from the soil, Tsukuru got the sustenance he needed as an adolescent from this group, using it as necessary food to grow, storing what was left as an emergency heat source inside him. Still, he had a constant, nagging fear that someday he would fall away from this intimate community, or be forced out and left on his own. Anxiety raised its head, like a jagged, ominous rock exposed by the receding tide, the fear that he would be separated from the group and end up entirely alone.
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